How to be a Self-Isolating Slob

Don’t worry about perfecting your downward facing dog or mastering Japanese

It’s a bizarre and scary time, a lot of people are unwell and most of us are social distancing at home. In light of this you would have thought it would be a great time to escape those normal every day pressures and concentrate on what is important. However, I’m seeing continuous online magazine articles and advertisements on how we should be bettering ourselves by learning a new language, getting the ‘perfect’ body, excelling in yoga, reading classical literature and producing freshly baked bread daily.  These reinforce the message that we should still strive for the ‘Perfect Instagram Lifestyle’, but now from our living room.

This is an opportunity to get a break from those everyday burdens.  How often are we told to stay at home?  We should now be using this time for relaxing (which we seldom have the opportunity to do), doing things that make us happy (even if that means watching The Stranger on Netflix) and re-connecting with friends and family.   I’m not saying that we should be complete slobs, it’s still important to have a basic routine and exercise regularly, but just don’t be too hard on yourself.  If you didn’t run a marathon in your exercise session, who cares? What’s more important is using your this time to look after YOU! So embrace your leg hair or grow that beard, go make up-free, give your hair a break from the shampoo and limit your time on social media.

I hope everyone is keeping well and big thank you to all the NHS staff.  I leave you with my slob’s alternative quarantine guide.

Rosie  X

A Slob’s Quarantine Timetable

08.00 Alarm goes off. Press snooze button
08.30Turn alarm off after pressing the snooze button 6 times
08.45Scroll through Twitter
09.00Watch Joe Wicks’ work out on YouTube while you sit on the sofa eating Frosties
09.45Second breakfast
10.00Turn on BBC 2 for Homes Under the Hammer. Judge the landlords for not reading the lease before they bought the property.
11.00Switch over to This Morning to see what Phil and Holly are up to. You’re appalled that it’s Eamonn and Ruth.
12.30Deliberate about getting showered, decide there’s not much point
13.00Coffee Break
13.30Zoom meeting with friends, but all you can see is yourself
13.45Watch Neighbours. You haven’t seen it in years but just want to make sure Toadfish is still alive
14.15Lunch
14.45Another Zoom meeting with family, spend most of the call focusing on spot on forehead
15.00Coffee break then wonder round the house aimlessly
16.00Decide to ‘Marie Kondo’ your wardrobe but end up looking outside at the sunshine
17.00Watch the government’s daily press conference
17.30Get bored/scared so turn over to Channel 5 to re-watch Neighbours, just in case they’ve added another scene
18.00Realise you haven’t left the house all day and its getting dark. Bound outside to make the most of your one permitted outing
18.30Start to make spaghetti Bolognese but realise there is no pasta, so you will just have to have ‘Toast Alla Bolognese
19.30Second dinner of the leftovers which were meant to be kept for tomorrow
20.00Have an online quiz session with university friends
21.00Start watching a new show on Netflix
23.00Yes Netflix I’m still watching
01.00Decide you will finish new Netflix show tomorrow
01.15Attempt to go to sleep but can’t due to impending death.

7 thoughts on “How to be a Self-Isolating Slob

  1. You’re way ahead of me because I can’t even make a schedule of what I do on a daily basis. I’m reading and eating more. That’s basically it. :p

    Like

  2. Oh man, self-isolation can be something hard for extroverts who thrive on external environments. That timetable you shared is so funny. That is totally my life during the weekends so far… Maybe this is when I should save all of the binging! Thanks for sharing!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Haha, your timetable is very cool! 😀 But actually I want to say you wrote the right things! It’s the time when we CAN slow down, relax, and do what makes us happy! Isn’t life about that?

    Liked by 1 person

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